The estimated reading time for this post is 7 minutes.
1. What do women want to eat?
Surf and Turf, dude. I want to snack at the Cheesecake Factory and eat Sushi at a five star restaurant, and a 24k gold sundae for dinner. EVERY DAY! What the f**k do you think?! For this reason, ‘What do you want to eat’ is really a dumbass question. Nobody can make decisions without parameters. Even Grubhub asks you about your budget. So, much of the time we’re not going to give you a clean answer because it’s not a clean question. A woman doesn’t want to make you feel bad if you can’t fill her request. On the flip side, she doesn’t want to talk herself out of that Surf and Turf either. If you want to get an answer out if woman, phrase the question properly:
“Hey babe, I’m on the way home [location]. I’ve only got a $20 on me [Budget]. What would you like me to order and pick up for us? [Time constratints].”
That”s how you ask ANYONE about food. If she stalls too long, make a suggestion. Say, Chinese. Is she says she doesn’t want Chinese then let her know she needs to come up with another viable option within x time or y’all eating Chinese. Otherwise, she’ll be dining on filet-o-air.
2. She keeps changing on me.
When men were coming of age, they’re allowed to move much more freely. My younger brother was able to do things in his teenage years that were nearly unspeakable for me. Men are able to explore and discover corners of themselves much earlier than most women, who often don’t have the privilege until college or marriage age. This is how you get the so-called college slut. Think of the phases we watched Rihanna and Miley Cyrus go through. The difference is, men have the opportunity to learn early about their likes and dislikes. You are well aware of your boundaries, expectations, and needs. She may not be. Which presents a huge problem. The young woman you are dating is most likely a collage of the likes/dislikes of her friends, her parent’s and society’s expectations of her since come and survival for women go hand in hand. And this issue is further compounded if she is wanting your approval as your expectations will become part of who she is as well. And worse, if she has children, that self discovery period is put off even further. So it may well be that you don’t get the full picture of who you’ve got until she’s into her thirties or early forties.
Take it easy and don’t lodge lofty expectations for her. Make sure there is plenty of room in the relationship for her to expand, grow, and change.
2. She’s not a gold-digger, she’s scared out of her mind.
I’m not saying that there aren’t money hungry, despicable women out there. There are. Just not as many as people say there are. As a society, we haven’t exactly learned how to value womanhood beyond the beauty that comes with youth. So subconsciously women are anxiously aware that we have a very short time span to be ‘valuable’ and we can’t afford to waste our youth finding a suitable partner or getting some kind of plan in place for late life security. What women are looking for is some sign of your ability as a man to put together a string of common sense decisions in a way that will provide a sense of security. Different kinds of women need different kinds of security but I can assure you, we’re not all looking to be reality housewives. We just want to know we’re not going to grow old alone and be homeless.
First off, Think about who and how you’re approaching. If she’s flaunting $800 hair weaves and Gucci sandals in her IG photos, don’t get mad if she’s asking for expensive dates just because you happen to work night shift at the Wal-Mart. You have a two options: do your best and try to date the expensive looking girl anyways. You may find she’s really quite sweet and the clothes are just a hobby or eBay finds. The other option is to find a girl who’s really not into that kind of thing and build a relationship with her. The option you don’t have: complain about the money or the girl.
3. You are removing her from the only tribe she’s got, so come with it.
I’ve talked to men who complain about how the women they’re dating just want to impress their friends and family. Yes, there tons of women who do that. But also, there are some practical reasons. Look. before you, all we have is our friends and family. It was our mothers who raised us. When we couldn’t find our way, it was our friends who were with us. And when you do something stupid, that’s the first place we’re going to get help. These people are our safety net no matter how unbearable you may think they are. Understand that you’re approaching the gates of our village to take us from all we have. And in doing so, you are taking someone very valuable from her family. Act like it. Don’t show up arrogant and empty-handed without a plan, talking about how her folks should instantly love you for being you. Nobody knows you.
I know some fantastic men who are janitors, sanitation workers, firemen. They are wonderful husbands and fathers and loved by their wives. You don’t have to have a six figure job or a high degree, but you do need to present yourself as a viable life partner with a vision for how you intend to build a life for two or more and have some personal goals.
4. You’re not getting the respect you think you deserve because you either can’t think or you give up too easily.
We’re intuitive. We can smell a sucker a mile way. Some women leverage this biological gift to take mean advantage of men. The rest of us who are uncomfortable with that sort of thing will love you, hoping that you’ll come around. But the day you use grocery money to invest in your homeboy’s fifth business venture, or don’t go to the interview because you think you won’t get the job, or call off work because you just weren’t ‘feeling it’, we eventually realize that we’ve got to take the decision making wheel. That’s when you’re in deep shit. If a woman feels like she has to make deep personal sacrifices while also making decisions for you and the rest of the household, you’re going to have to fight like hell to get your respect back. Once we suit up to go to to war for the family, that armour is hard to get off. And after a while we forget we’re wearing it.
If you’re looking for that loving, nurturing woman you feel in love with, make daily living a team effort. If she told you she had a rough day, order take out so she doesn’t have to cook. Take over the task of finding ways to save money or create more income. Spiff up the house a bit when you have a few minutes. Do something, but for God’s sake look alive man! Pick up the pace!
6. She’s cheating on me or has otherwise become some kind of sexual deviant.
We don’t come with that magic chastity belt they keep telling ya’ll we have. We’re sexual animals just like you are. Science is saying it may even be worse. Check yourself for cheating or cheating like tendencies before you ask about hers. What’s good for the goose [male goose] us great for the gander [female goose]. Other reasons:
- She hasn’t found and learned to love herself just yet ( See #’s 2 and 5)
- She’s lost respect for you or
- She doesn’t feel desired by you or
- Your desire means nothing to her because she doesn’t respect you.
That’s pretty much it. What to do about it? You could ask, but she’s probably already told you. But when she tells you this time it’s going to hurt like hell because you’ll actually be listening. If she’s lost respect for you, be prepared to change exactly whatever you don’t want to let go of since that’s usually the rat hair in the tuna. If she’s in a self discovery phase and you’re confident enough to handle it, let her have it. Meanwhile, work on building yourself up. She’ll come into balance faster than you might imagine.