My natural state of being in the divine feminine is not an acceptable way of being. Where I am not accepted, I cannot be loved. So when I cannot feel love through acceptance and connection, I will attempt to find that sense of love by being in servitude, by pleasing . Where you are not pleased, I will hide and evade. Where I cannot hide or evade, I will escape.
We first learn to love from our parent(s). In early childhood, this learned pattern of behavior and its accompanying feelings are turned inward to develop the self. In whatever ways we learn to love or relate to ourselves is how we will love and relate to others. So it goes that our guardians teach us how to love ourselves. Then we use our self-love as a template to love others.
However it happens: perhaps the consistent interaction with a guardian or loved one. Or some climactic event on a school playground – if Divine Feminine (DF) energies are dis-empowered during the self-development phase, this cycle is severed. Hence, so is the possibility for whole, healthy self-love. Yet life moves on and requires that we relate to others, whether or not we have appropriately developed self-love on time.
So it goes that as we grow older, we look outside ourselves to practice love and relating. Without a deep understanding and appreciation of our presence as the seminal gift in any relationship, we feel compelled to find other ways please people in order to receive love, validation, and subconsciously, empowerment. At first, self-abandonment is mistakenly used in the short-term hack to learn how to love. It becomes a band-aid; a finger in the dam, to both receive love and to learn how to give it. But over a lifetime, we lose sight of the makeshift measure. The self gets completely lost in a tsunami of behaviors, patterns, and exchanges meant to please others.
The primary means of embodying this approach is servitude. Servitude, not service drives the Dis-Feminine. Service is an intentional act where the one serving is aware of their power and agency. Servitude gives power and agency away. Servitude is the careless extrusion of feminine energy in service to another.
Unable to identify self- or related love on its own, servitude and whatever may be received from it, becomes love. A true sense of love is perverted. Since the dis-feminine chooses a relationship with a dominant force from a dis-empowered state, it is not likely that the dominant force will correct the subservient dis-feminine. Even the most balanced person can find the dominant position in a relationship too inciting to forego and thus, abuse the position. Without a healthy foundation of self- and related love, the pain and dysfunction of dominance/submission becomes a hallmark of love, or at the very least, pleasure for the subservient.
SELF LOVE AS A BASIS FOR POWER
Western society values power. The word ‘power’ comes with the vision and implication of a masculine, penetrating force. These forces require an inordinate energy to create and sustain. Power also comes with the expectation of exerting that energy to maintain control over self, others, and external circumstances. For those like myself who primarily operate from the divine feminine, this is a daunting task. Feminine energy is an undulating, magnetic force that rides an undercurrent beneath that which can be seen. It draws in. It reserves and preserves energy. It transmutes and alchemizes circumstances. But as society calls for an exhaustive, masculine power while my more reserved feminine power has been put to shame, I might be so inclined to simply give it away.
PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR
In an effort to correct what looks like mal-adaptive behavior in the Divine Feminine, loved ones may be misguided into chastising and punishing “offensive” behavior. This takes the DF into a a cycle of action>reaction>shame, keeping them in a closed loop, dis-empowered state. Eventually this loop servers connection with the light aspects of the self while deepening tendencies toward shadow characteristics.
This is not to say that DF operators are deep-down always well-behaved and well-intended. It is merely to suggest that this may be the case far more often than is interpreted by other people.
In recognizing an oncoming dis-empowered state, the DF can ask itself: What am I really doing right now? What am I really needing? What can be adjusted to balance my behavior? What does not need to/should not be adjusted? What part of this problem belongs to me? What part of this problem belongs to them?
COURTESAN: Modern Day: THOT, Ho, Bus’ down, can also be known occupationally as dancer, stripper, etc. In the male, Fuck-Boy could apply. Gives away power through sex without deeper understanding of their needs or the pleasure they get from connecting to the sensual, beyond the clinical act of sex itself. It is the intimacy they are after. Sex is the primary vehicle through which they serve, connect, or draw energy.
PRIEST/ESS: After increased awareness, the courtesan is able to tap into the spiritual states of sensuality and ecstasy. They now understand that the power expressed in physical states can be transferred into other offerings. Having had this experience, they now understand the power innate in the act and will seek to balance it with others.
HIGH PRIESTESS: Can now consistently extract, invoke,and evoke higher states of consciousness in themselves and others without physical connection at all. Love and intimacy can be integrated into these evocations at will and with integrity.
NURSE: Modern Day: Susie Homemaker, “motherly-type”.
Gives Away Power: Through care taking. Children, partner,domicile are seen as opportunities to show one’s self approved. Self is abandoned to care for others in the hopes others may “appreciate” this service.Though what qualifies as appreciation may not be articulated, if it is clear to the nurse herself.
LADY IN WAITING: The servant now understands they are the master in disguise. Or at least that they are a necessity to those they care for. Also understands the responsibility inherent in this dynamic and is confident enough to make clear requests to have their needs met.
QUEEN: Focus becomes the royal practice. Having a greater appreciation for what she offers can now focus only on the tasks that are to her highest and best use. Boundaries and needs are known and respected by all.
SOLDIER: Fights indiscriminately. Will give their life for causes that may or may not have an effect on them. The soldier sees his sacrifice as a way of defending others. Defending others is the act of connection and love. May also align self-identity with the warrior archetype to get a sense of self-love. This also signals to other dominant types that they are available for the next war and therefore the next opportunity for love and appreciation.
GENERAL: Knows that strategy and rage are cousins left best together than apart. Transmutes the energy of reckless rage into a drive to produce sage advice. Realizes his rage comes from a need to love and beloved.
KING: Knows that defending territory and those in it are an act of love.
JESTER: Clown, Goof, Time-Waster, Hotep, Fuck-Boy/Girl. Hides true feeling self behind rouses of all kinds. These may or may not be comical. Maybe a constant distraction at community-level engagements. Vampiric. Leverage different or higher levels of knowing to feel more empowered without having to assume power. Texting,calling, then disappearing. Especially in the case of the Fuck-Boy(i) where their true intentions may be to find connection in sexual conquest. But since they may be insecure about the promiscuity involved, they will seduce others into a relationship without the intention of maintaining fidelity.
PHILOSOPHER: Becomes more comfortable with the idea that their knowing can be an act of loving service.